“Deny, defend, depose.”
Police arrested Luigi Mangione, a twenty-six-year old University of Pennsylvania alum who rated the Unabomber’s manifesto four stars out of five on Goodreads.
A weekly dispatch taking aim at the relentless absurdity of the 24-hour news cycle.
In New York, Brian Thompson, the CEO of UnitedHealthcare, which has the highest claim-denial rate of any insurance company in the country and was recently taken to court for systematically denying claims using an AI algorithm with an allegedly “known” 90 percent error rate, and whose executives, including Thompson, were being investigated by the Justice Department for insider trading, was shot in the back by a masked man who used a gun containing bullets with the words “deny,” “defend,” and “depose” allegedly written on their shell casings in permanent marker, possibly in reference to Jay M. Feinman’s 2010 book Delay, Deny, Defend: Why Insurance Companies Don’t Pay Claims and What You Can Do About It, which jumped up Amazon’s bestseller list the following day.1 2 3 4 5 6 7 After killing the CEO, the shooter rode an electric bike into Central Park, where a few days later police found a bag resembling the one he wore during the shooting that contained Monopoly money.8 9 It was reported that the gunman, who bought a protein bar in a Starbucks directly before the shooting, had arrived in the city more than a week beforehand on a Greyhound bus, used a fake ID to check into a hostel on the Upper West Side, where he paid in cash and wore a mask for much of his stay, though he did remove it when a woman who works in the hostel asked to see his “pretty smile.”10 11 12 13 14 15 The gunman was last seen on camera entering the Port Authority station near Washington Heights. Police arrested Luigi Mangione, a twenty-six-year old University of Pennsylvania alum who rated the Unabomber’s manifesto four stars out of five on Goodreads and reportedly suffered from chronic back pain, for which he underwent a surgery earlier this year, after a McDonald’s worker in Altoona, Pennsylvania, called in a tip that he resembled photographs of the gunman.16 17 On the day of the shooting, the security services company Allied Universal said that their phones were “ringing off the hook” with requests from potential clients, and Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield scuppered their plan to stop paying for the full course of anesthesia during certain surgeries in Connecticut, Missouri, and New York.18 19 At the UnitedHealthcare headquarters in Minnetonka, Minnesota, a flag emblazoned with the company’s logo flew at half-mast, and a shooter lookalike contest was held in New York City’s Washington Square Park.20 21
South Korea was under martial law for six hours after a surprise declaration by President Yoon Suk Yeol, who ordered the arrests of his own party’s leader, the leader of the main opposition party, and three other opposition politicians.22 23 Thousands of people protested the decree, a politician scuffled with a soldier, and the opposition leader climbed a fence in order to get inside the National Assembly, where his party unanimously passed an emergency order blocking the measure, forcing Yoon to rescind his initial imposition.24 25 26 27 “It has caused anxiety and discomfort,” said Yoon in a national address three days later.28 “I feel deep regret for this.”29 1,466 Catholic priests called for Yoon’s impeachment in a statement entitled “How can a person be like this?”30 31 A vote to impeach Yoon failed soon thereafter, though the country’s Justice Ministry imposed an overseas travel ban on him.32 33 In northern Syria, the Turkish military and the Turkish-backed Syrian National Army clashed with the U.S.-backed, Kurdish-dominated Syrian Democratic Forces, and rebel factions led by Hayat Tahrir al-Sham, a group that once had ties to Al-Qaeda and is headed by Ahmed al-Sharaa, who also goes by Abu Mohammed al-Jawlani, took over Aleppo, Hama, Homs, and Damascus in a ten-day offensive that ended a yearslong stalemate.34 35 36 37 Members of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad’s army, which is backed by Russia and Hezbollah, which itself is backed by Iran, were seen removing their uniforms in Damascus as the rebels took over the city.38 Throughout their campaign toward Damascus, the rebels released tens of thousands of people, including children, from prisons, including one in which dozens of secret executions were believed to have been carried out every week and torture was rampant.39 It was rumored that the airplane flying Assad out of the country was shot down, though Russia later claimed that he’d made it to Moscow.40 41 “The world is going a little crazy right now,” U.S. president-elect Donald Trump said during his trip to Paris to visit the newly restored Cathedral of Notre Dame.42
Miller High Life announced the release of their “Bar-Fume” perfume, which smells like a dive bar, Dunkin’ Donuts and the deodorant company Native collaborated on a Boston Kreme–scented deodorant, and a Michigan couple discovered dozens of snow doughnuts on their lawn.43 44 45 In London, a chef appealed for the return of 2,500 stolen pies, and in Italy, a nun who earlier this year won the Golden Panettone award was accused of passing information to incarcerated mafia members.46 47 The Satanic Temple announced their plan to offer a program to elementary school students in Ohio.48 It was alleged that twelve employees of the VA Medical Center in Mountain Home, Tennessee, had participated in an orgy, and a lawyer in Alberta, Canada, who had previously been fired from a firm in Calgary for cocaine use and for watching porn in his employer’s office late at night was disbarred for spending ten thousand dollars of his clients’ money on sexting services.49 50 Residents in New York and Pennsylvania reported seeing mysterious drones flying over the state weeks after New Jersey residents reported their own sightings.51 52 53 “We’re back,” said a social-media video ad for the disgraced energy firm Enron.54 “Can we talk?”55 —Megan Evershed